How to Win a Game You've Already Lost
This memoir explores an experience in my life that I felt was a pivotal moment of change in relation to my “persona.” I went through an incredibly destructive relationship which left me feeling detached from the person I was before. During this time, I began to focus more heavily on my music production and songwriting to cope with those feelings. For my memoir, I chose one song in particular to explore, which I wrote directly following the end of my relationship. In the song, I use gambling as a metaphor for how the relationship began to change me. Initially, the song begins with how the participant is bothered by the fact that it feels like the relationship is simply a game to the other person and that they are always the only one risking something. However, as the song progresses, the participant begins to change with the subject, and by the end, despite knowing the relationship is only bound to end poorly for them, becomes enthralled in the game as well. After this relationship, the anger I was left with made me feel like I could use it to reclaim my power in a way, but it was never strong enough to make me feel like I could directly wish harm upon the person who hurt me. Therefore, this memoir explores the idea that my revenge is simply becoming a better version of myself.